Friday, August 10, 2018

Change is STILL the Only Constant

Well it's time for our annual pilgrimage to Utah to see all the folks. This particular trip is full of change. At least, it's change from my perspective.

We first visited Chelsea's family in Roosevelt. That was unique because all of her family was going to be there. It was also unique because we all knew it was the last time we would be gathering in Roosevelt. They have an annual town party called Uintah Basin in Celebration (UBIC) and some of Chelsea's siblings have been there for it. Last year somebody floated the idea that we should all go. We were all there for just over 24 hours, but it happened. Well, except for David, but I'm sure he was there in spirit. Chelsea and I decided to drive through the night so we got there first thing in the morning rather than late afternoon which had been the plan. That got us there in time for the parade and street fair with fireworks to cap it off.

Anyway, it was great to be there. I hadn't been back to that house in a long time because my in-laws had lived in a different house for some time. It brought back a lot of memories. One of the first weekends we spent there one of the kids had a certain episode with too much apple juice on the ride down from Rexburg. This was a classic diarrhea in the tub situation. Not my kid, not my problem. Of course, now I have the young kids and that kid is a teenager. It's been a long time since then and now Chelsea and I have young children. Now it's my kid, my problem.

They bought that house 12 years ago and we moved to Washington 10 years ago, so it must have been in that window. It seems like we went there frequently when we lived in Salt Lake. I wonder if we went there more in that two year window than in the 10 years since.

With so many of us there it was a free-for-all when it came to sleeping arrangements. I actually think it's kind of fun in those situations. I like sleeping with my kids on the floor. They bonded with cousins, ate too much candy, stayed up too late, and argued at length. I'm sure they loved it.

The bottom line, though, is that was likely the last time we'll visit Roosevelt. The in-laws are preparing the house to sell and they've already started buying what will be their retirement home in Rexburg. So for them the Roosevelt chapter is closing, and soon. I'm pretty sure there will be no reason for me to return there unless I'm headed out on US 40 to Vernal or Flaming Gorge. It was a good run.

Now we've moved to the second phase of our trip down memory lane. For a few days we're staying in Salt Lake City. Normally we stay with my folks but they are going through a transition as well. Around the same time that the in-laws bought the Roosevelt house, my parents bought a duplex. For the last 13 or so years they've lived in one side while renting the other bu now they have just moved out of their half of that duplex to an apartment. Due to that transition, we are not staying there. We're staying in a condo near 4500 south and Main Street in Murray courtesy of Air BnB.

The change in this neighborhood is staggering to me. I grew up only a couple of miles from here. This area is being revitalized with mixed use zoning. Basically this means apartments over street level commercial space. It has a decidedly urban feel. My parent's new apartment is in this same area. The building is only six floors, but that's enough to give you a view over the street.

This feels more like urban apartments that I've stayed in in Yokosuka, Japan or Jequie, Brazil. Since my conception of the Salt Lake valley is still stuck 20 years in the past, finding an urban neighborhood at 4500 south is proving very difficult for my mind to accept, though I realize I have no choice. From this balcony I hear the cars in the streets, people talking, the passage of the UTA light rail and I can see a city skyline. Our balcony faces north and I can just make out downtown (right in the center of the picture below). I can also see the University of Utah campus where the "U" on the hillside is NOT lit up. What is this place?

It makes sense that this would happen. The metro area is following the light rail corridor down the valley. This would be a great place to live if you worked downtown. Of course, this mixed use zoning could mean that you wouldn't have to live far from your home. If you go for urban living.

The mistake I made was moving from the Salt Lake valley to Kitsap County in Washington. In Kitsap County There is no interstate. The people mostly drive the speed limit on highway 16. There is not a Target or Home Depot in my town. Or a mall of any consequence. Chelsea and I moved away from my family and my in-laws to a place where I am wholly content to live but the draw to return to live closer to the families is strong. It's got an uphill battle because I love where I live, my job is rewarding and well compensating, and Utah and Idaho are SO DANG HOT in the summer that I don't know how people live. (I know you Arizona and Texas people can't wait to chime in here, but I don't go further south than Payson, Utah in the summer months.)

Change is happening in Kitsap County, too. Seattle housing prices are causing many of those people to seek cheaper housing across the sound. This is having unfortunate consequences for those of us who are see our housing buying power eroded at an alarming rate.

To cap off this trip I'll be attending my 20 year high school reunion. Thanks to magic of facebook, a good deal of communication has been happening with the old high school class leading up to it. I'm sure that will be good times as well as a very stark reminder of many more changes that have taken place. Maybe I'll talk about it. Stay tuned to find out.

Sunday, July 15, 2018

Change is the Only Constant

As you saw in my last post I recently bought a Suburban for hauling the family on our outdoor adventuring. Well, today was the day that the Land Cruiser met it's new owner. If I had the resources to keep it, I would have, but when it comes down to it, letting go is healthy.

For me changing cars is a big deal psychologically. In my mind it's all tangled up with the life that I lead while it was a part of my life. It was especially hard this time because drooling over 80 series Land Cruisers was a part of my adolescence during the time when those cars were new. Any other car I would probably have replaced long ago, but I always decided to fix rather than replace. Over and over. To the point that I earned a few snickers from unbelievers. I bore the snickers with pleasure.

But time marches on. Family needs change and cars get old. I was planning on getting another year out of it at least, but then the siren song of Craigslist found me the Suburban ahead of schedule.

It worked to my advantage, though. Since I was planning on having it for a while longer, I had just put some new parts on it and it was running GREAT. I mean, in some ways it was running better than when I bought it in 2007. (Of course, there were some other ways that it was wearing down, too.) That translated into me selling it for more than I thought. Would you believe I sold it for only $700 less than I bought it for? 10-1/2 years later.

But now I've picked another vehicle that is unique. My Suburban is a 2500, which they don't make anymore. I'll keep it going.

So this is just another change in a growing list of changes that we've been through in the last year. We sold our house, said goodbye to a pet and close friend, and now this. There have been other changes, but by far these are the biggest. I was thinking about this the other day. The Empress Court chapter was a crucial chapter in our lives.

In January 2014 I wrote the blog post, "The Good Old Days" where I said I would likely look back on that time in my life as the good old days. Right now I feel like I'm standing at the beginning of the next chapter, looking back. Those three big changes I mentioned all started close to the same time. We bought the Land Cruiser in September 2007. Then Jake came along in August 2008. Finally in October 2009 we bought the Empress Ct house.

In about two years our life transitioned from a student/newlywed situation into an early career couple looking to build a life. It was in that house and we stayed for a little over eight years. Now, within seven months we've transitioned out of it. We're wondering when we're going to buy our second house and we're in the throes of young child rearing. (sometimes I think "throws" would be more accurate.) 

Of course, that will always be the house where our family came together. It was a hard decision to leave it, but I feel it was right. It's the same with the Land Cruiser. The time is right but change always takes some getting used to. Even good change.

Friday, June 01, 2018

Full Circle

I have come full circle.

I didn't buy my first car for myself until I was 21 years old. Almost 22 for that matter. I got home from Brazil in August 2001, but didn't buy a car right away. I spent some time driving an old truck my grandpa was letting us use, but after a while it was time for me to take the next step.

My best friend was a big fan of Jeeps and I thought I liked them too. As a result, I was looking for a Jeep Cherokee for my first car. In that search my brother and I ended up at this little mom and pop used car lot in Bountiful looking at one. On that same lot was this magnificent beast.

I don't know what it is about Suburbans that has always appealed to me, but this machine had me at first sight. It was a 1991 with a 150,000 or so miles for only $5,000. It was a steal. I loved driving it, but I probably looked a little silly driving around in a 9-passenger suburban all by myself. All the time.

Of course, for a college student working a swing shift job as a courier for a bank, this was a poor decision. I had rationalized it by saying that the cost of ownership of this would not be substantially more than a Jeep Cherokee. This, of course, is not really true. I mean, some things are comparable. Tires would be the same and gas is close (about 15-17 mpg for the Jeep and 12-14 mpg for the Suburban), but I didn't have the infrastructure to service it. Right after I bought it I got to buy a new rear end to the tune of $850.

In the end, my lucrative monthly income of just under $1,000 per month wasn't enough, even though I only had a $150 payment. I remember planning my trips for the week. I was driving kind of a lot. During this period I was attending the Redwood Campus of Salt Lake Community College and my job was at 3200 West and 2100 South. I had classes and work each day and each week I had enough for those trips which only added up to about 30 miles a day. Oh, and I also had some budget for weekend shenanigans. Of course.

Look man, that 33 gallon tank didn't fill itself (at $1.29 a gallon)!

I took only a single road trip in this truck. A group of us thought we could camp for like 5 days in Goblin Valley. We were so under prepared. It was fun though. That's also the only trail riding I did with it, so that's the only time I was able to take cool photos like this one.

You know how long ago this was? It was long enough ago that I don't have ANY pictures of it that were taken with a digital camera. None. These pictures were taken with my little 35mm Canon Owl which I still own because I can't part with camera gear.

So I bought it around December of 2001 and by June of 2002 I could see that I had to make a change. I bought an ad in Autotrader (when it was a magazine) so all the Joe Dirts in the area could check it out. Finally in December of 2002 I found a buyer and traded over to my 1986 Toyota SR5 Pickup.

Of course, that was the beginning of an odyssey that is only now coming to a close, 15-1/2 years later. I had that truck for 5 years, after which I bought my Land Cruiser which I have fawned over (sometimes to my wife's chagrin) for the last 10-1/2 years.

Truly the only constant in life is change. Everything is temporary, some things just take longer to change.

From time to time (actually pretty often) I can be found perusing the Autotrader (now in .com format) or Craigslist trolling for cars. About three weeks ago I came across this:

Now, I wasn't really in the market for a car, I just enjoy Joe-Dirting it up. but I was taken by the rarity of the package. A 2007 Suburban 2500 with many nice features at a reasonable price with very reasonable miles. If there was a truck out there that could sway me from the Land Cruiser, this was it. A true family adventure wagon.

I've continued my pattern of buying old cars that many people consider past their prime. I feel like I can save money doing this since the purchase price is less and I can leverage my own skills and enjoyment of auto mechanics to maintain a car long past when other stop striving. I got 10 years and 88,000 miles out of a 13 year old Land Cruiser and I believe I can do as well with an 11 year old Chevy.

Do you know anyone that might be interested in an older Land Cruiser that's in great shape? I might be able to set you up.

Friday, May 11, 2018

Air Conditioning Part II

This weekend I received an unexpected gift from a friend. Around 9:00 am he texted saying he was available to help me replace a section of AC pipe on my Land Cruiser. We've been trying to connect on this for about two months, so I cleared the rest of my day.

This is a continuation of my post from quite a while ago. October 17, 2015 to be exact. That post was my compendium to that date of the saga of cold air in the Land Cruiser. As you well know, no story is truly ever over and I have more to tell. Buckle up.

First let's recap. At the end of that post I had just experienced another failure of the AC compressor. I was $1435 into that process and I was a little discouraged because I didn't have much to show for it. My assessment at the time was that if I wanted to carry on down the rabbit hole, the next step would be a new compressor.

Just like Judy Hopps in the movie Zootopia, I don't know when to quit, so I pulled the trigger. Mind you, I didn't do it right away. One of the reasons this has been such a drawn out process is that up here in the Puget Sound area, the season that you really need AC is very short. That last post ended in October. AC is a very low priority in October.

According to my order history on Rock Auto, I ordered the new AC compressor in June of 2016. So I went from October 2015 to June 2016 without it. Like I said, low priority. By this point I was pretty good at swapping it out, so it only took me a little while to get it done. It cost another $220.

Current Total:  $1655

But there was a hitch. This was the first time I had to go back into the system without all the refrigerant having leaked out. I was about the learn about system evacuation (doing it on purpose anyway). That meant more tools. My friend and I decided to split a refrigerant recovery machine. My share of all that tooling was about $225.

New Total: $1880 (But we got new tools)

Once again I was back in business. There were still some issues, because after all, I'm still a n00b at this, but the bottom line was I actually had cold air.

This time my repair appeared durable. The days strung together to form weeks and pretty soon months had gone by. And then a year. A whole year. Then, in the 13th month, the air got warm again. A very slow leak had finally gotten to the point where the system wouldn't run anymore. If you're counting, 13 months from July is August. Not the time you want to lose AC. Fortunately, it was the end of August and September was just around the corner. July 2016 to August 2017 is a pretty good run, especially considering my track record.

Due to my problems I've developed the habit of charging the system with a refrigerant that has dye in it. The dye allows you to trace out the system and find the leaks. This one turned out to be a very small crack where the pipe rubs against the firewall. Guess which pipe it was? If you guessed it was the last pipe that I hadn't replaced you would have guessed right. I mean, it only makes sense.

When I had done work previously I eyed this pipe and prayed under my breath that I wouldn't have to ever touch it. It wound its way under the brake booster, behind the main engine wiring harness, and around the heater lines. To get it out I would have to open the AC system (obviously) as well as the brake system and the cooling system. This is a very challenging repair. I was able to buy the part right away from the local Toyota dealer. It was $85.

Final Total: $1965

Now it's May 2018 and the system is intact and functioning well. In the picture below you can see all the parts of my Land Cruiser's AC system. The ones shaded with red are the ones I've replaced. Basically, I've replaced all of it except for the condenser and a few short sections of pipe here and there.

I am, however, very encouraged by the current state of affairs. The system is running really well. In fact, the entire truck is running really well. In the last year I also replaced the rear brakes ($250), installed new brake pads in the front ($60), added air suspension to the rear axle ($120), and replaced all the shocks ($400, which I thought was a great value). The only part of that done by a shop was the shocks. I had them do it because I knew those were going to be a pain. Based on shop estimates I got, I saved about $800 doing it myself. I also got that satisfaction that can only be won by scraping your knuckles a few times.

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Backyard Birds

 The house we're renting backs up to a greenbelt so we've been having some fun with the birds. The previous tenants left a bird feeder so I bought some seed and a bracket to put it up with.  It's been fun. 

Except for this dill nugget. He's stealing the seed wholesale. I'm going to have to figure out some way to hang the feeder differently or come up with some other deterrent. Paintball Blowgun?

 There's also this guy. My extensive internet research of the last five minutes tells me this is probably a Steller's Jay. He's kind of a numb nut too. He likes to throw all the small seed on the ground while he digs through it to get the big seeds. Pretty to look at, though.

I'm pretty sure this one has a partner. It looks like they're building a nest in a tree in another part of the yard. I constantly see them carrying twigs and grass up to a spot in this tree covered with ivy. 

I'm really enjoying this house. I'm not on the hook for home maintenance, but it is up to me to keep the yard up. As a result, I'm trying to do some different things with gardening that I've always wanted to try but for whatever reason didn't do at the last house. I just bought a hyacinth last night. I'd also like to get a couple of hostas to plant in some pots that we have. Stay tuned.

Tuesday, February 20, 2018


I've been thinking I may change the name of this blog to "Night Wrenching". Swing shift seems to work pretty good for me to get some work done on the cars. Do you still call it swing shift if you're working on your own projects?

For a long time I've wanted to add air springs to my Land Cruiser. Two years ago when I bought the van I put them on right away and have been pleased with them ever since. Even before then I had thought it would be great to have them on the truck. This Fall when I bought the travel trailer it became more necessary and I've just been waiting for a chance.

This last week that chance came. We have a trip coming up where we might be taking the trailer so I really wanted to get past this. As luck would have it, I've been assigned my turn to do the night shift at work. This is nice because of how I acclimatize myself to the new schedule. For the two days before my shift I stay up late at night, so basically I end up with some extra time by myself. This is very productive time for me and this time I used it for truck work.

In the picture above you can see the red marshmallow-looking thing inside the spring. This is the airbag. It takes up space that used to be occupied by that black cone-shaped thing in the lower right corner of the picture. That cone is basically a back-up spring for hard bumps.

The trickiest part of this process is getting the spring out. Now, that's really not all that tricky, so I'm not talking about complex surgery here. The instructions state that you have to unbolt the lower end of the shock absorber to let the axle droop farther. I didn't want to do this since the shocks are very old and I didn't want to deal with broken fasteners. I'll let a shop handle that when I decided to put new shocks on (which should be very soon). Anyway, that extra time of monkeying with the shock drew this process out quite a bit.

The next night I put in my new front brake pads that I'd ordered almost five months ago. While I was at it, I tried to install some spring spacers that I bought for the front axle almost two years ago. They didn't fit right so I had to abandon that project for now. Maybe I'll try again in a few weeks.

Now the truck is ready for some action. I might be looking into tires soon. The Toyos that I have are great. They've only got about 45K miles on them and plenty of tread but they're almost 7 years old. The insides look a little rough and I can see more cracking than I like. We'll see what happens.

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Back to the Buckhorn

As I've spent the last few days reflecting and looking through my record, I find that there is a hole. In my last post I made a reference to one of the defining moments in Jake's life with us and I can't find any record of it, even pictures and that is downright surprising. The possibility exists that it's written in one of my older journals which are currently packed for the move, but it's not here, so let's get on with it.

In 2011 Chelsea and I decided to take up backpacking together. Jake was always up for some trail so of course, he would be along. He was about three years old. We started with an easy jaunt to Elkhorn Campground in the Dosewallips and a month or so later we decided to head to one of my favorites, Heather Creek. Heather Creek is accessed via the Upper Dungeness River Trail on the north side of the Buckhorn Wilderness of the Olympic National Forest. Heather Creek offers no stunning vistas, breathtaking waterfalls, or mountain peaks, but it has forest peace to spare and is relatively easy to reach.

The trail follows the Dungeness River and about a mile from the trailhead you cross the Royal Creek where it meets the Dungeness. You can turn right at this junction and head into the Royal Basin, but that takes you into the national park, where dogs are not allowed, so we thumbed our noses and proceeded.

We decided to do a simple overnighter from August 5th to 6th, 2011. It was early afternoon when we hit the trail. I remember it was such a pleasant afternoon. Being close to the river you don't hear much else and the mosses grow and overhang the trail as a reminder that you're in the northwestern rain forest.

Shortly after we crossed the log bridge over Royal Creek we were spread out over the trail a little. Jake had been very nervous on the log bridge and refused to cross it on his own. Jake was off his leash and was about 40 feet in front of Chelsea who was about 60 feet in front of me.

They had both rounded a bend and I couldn't see them. When I came around the bend Chelsea was on the right side of the trail looking frantically up the hillside. When I got to her I could barely make out Jake well up the hillside. We're not even sure what he bolted after. I ran up the hillside to bring him back and followed him as best I could, but he's a lean and nimble beagle and I'm a chunky human so there was little hope for success in that from the beginning. I frantically followed him up the hillside for a few hundred yards then his path bent back along the trail so we were now roughly parallel to the trail but headed back towards the trailhead.

I could hear his classic beagle bay and kept trying to call after him, but as I said, we were right by the river and you couldn't hear much else. Also working against us was Jake's very beagle characteristic of turning off his ears when his nose was on the chase. Chelsea was trying to follow us while staying on the trail. When I couldn't see him anymore I went back to the trail. Chelsea and I were both starting to get earnestly scared.

The area was bounded on the north and east by rivers and on the west by the ridge. There was no way across the Dungeness and we didn't think Jake would try to cross the Royal Creek bridge on his own. Climbing over the ridge would have been a 2500' climb.

We had no idea what to do. We saw where he had gone so we figured we should drop our packs and head up into the brush to try and find him, all the while our stress levels ticked up by the minute. We covered a lot of ground and we found lots of little features on that hillside we wouldn't otherwise have found. About 600' up the hillside there was a little goat path that basically paralleled the trail which we followed for a while.

Then the light began to fail and it began to be surreal. I kept trying to step out of the moment and think so I could come up with the best next step. We were still far from Heather Creek but we didn't want to leave the area. During our search we noticed a campsite near the log bridge over Royal Creek so we made camp in the twilight. We were anxious, disheartened, and exhausted so I decided to make a fire and try to eat something. Neither of us had any sort of appetite but the logical portion of my brain new that we had been hiking around for hours without a bite so we each choked back a protein bar. We were in disbelief.

After resting a little we decided to hike back to the trailhead to put up a sign on the bulletin board. It was only about a mile so we covered it fast.

When we got back to the tent it was well into the night so we laid down to an uneasy sleep. The clock was ticking. We didn't know how to find Jake and we figured this city dog probably couldn't handle himself in deep forest. The olympic forests are known to contain some predators like bear and cougar and we were genuinely afraid for Jake.

In the morning we ate an oatmeal packet each and decided to continue hiking the trail to the south thinking that's the only way he would go due to the natural boundaries. We made it all the way to the Camp Handy shelter without any sign. Our search lasted into the afternoon but soon we had to accept that we might be leaving without him. Now it was starting to feel even more detached from reality.

Eventually we ran out of time and we headed back. It was the longest car ride of my life. 

I have to pause and say I'm having a hard time writing this part. I can't help but second guess my decision to leave without him. I had all sorts of pressing issues. I had bought 60 pounds of fresh tuna from a friend that would be wasted if I didn't go can it that afternoon and I had to go to work the next day. I don't remember why, but it was particularly important for me to be at work that week. These all sound like great reasons to leave but I now reject them.  At the time there was the element of uncertainty that was overpowering but why would I place more importance on tuna than my dog?

Anyway, we headed home and when we got home the silence in the house was deafening. Over the next couple of days we were gripped by grief. I felt like I couldn't go back and look for him but I didn't want to lose him. We were both working at the time and even though we never discussed it, we spent as little time in the house as possible. We would go to dinner and then wander around a store but eventually we would have to come home. It was awful. 

I think it was made worse by that element of uncertainty. We didn't know where he was or if we would see him again.

Tuesday night Chelsea's cousins came to visit. They told us they were going up to the trail the next day. It was extremely generous of them. They also took with them their dog Lexi, who Jake knew well. I made them a map much like the picture above and they were on their way. After a few hours of searching they had come up with nothing so they also came home empty-handed. 

Now it was Wednesday night and Jake had been alone in the wilderness since Saturday night. I was starting to reconcile myself to losing him.Chelsea and I could barely talk to each other about it. She later told me she was praying constantly for his return. I was handling things differently. I refused to pray. I believe in the hand of God in my life, but I also believe that he will do what he thinks is best for me. What if it was time for me to lose Jake? What if I prayed for his return and he did not come back? I didn't think I could handle that so I could not take the risk. Instead, I felt the grief. 

Thursday brought no developments and with the passage of another day Jake's prospect of return grew slimmer. 

Friday was a normal day except for the grief until about 2:00 pm. It was close to the end of the work day when I got a phone call on my cell phone and the caller said he had found Jake. I was elated. He explained that he was camped at the trailhead and in the middle of the night Jake had begun to scratch at the side of his tent. At first he was very scared, thinking it was a wild animal, but then he heard that characteristic wimper. Nobody can scare anybody with a wimper. So he opened his tent and let Jake in. Then he said that as soon as Jake was in the tent he tried to spoon the guy. That's all the proof of identity I needed. 

He said he wasn't able to bring Jake to me because he had to catch a ferry at Kingston, but he had left Jake with an older couple who had just arrived at the trailhead to camp for the weekend. All we had to do was go pick him up. It wasn't time for me to finish my day bu I immediately headed for home. I had biked to work so it took me a little while to get home. I deliberately didn't call Chelsea with the news because I wanted to tell her in person. 

She was surprised to see me when I got home early but I wasted no time explaining myself. Within 10 minutes we were in the car and headed back to the forest. The trailhead is about a two hour drive from our house so we were anxious to get after it. 

Jake was a sight when we got there. Over the days he has lost about five pounds which is saying something when you're only 30 pounds to begin with. He found the trailhead on his sixth night in the wilderness. He was exhausted and even when we got there he just laid on this little blanket that the folks were letting him use. I don't know what he ate during that time. (When we bolted he was wearing a doggy pack that had a couple of days of food in it. We didn't get the pack back so I always assumed he got it off and then made short work of it. Getting the pack off would have been the hard part. He hated that pack.) His hair was dirty and matted, but despite his exhaustion you could see the enthusiasm that was intrinsic in him.

One question was how he made it down to the trailhead. We thought he wouldn't cross the Royal Creek due to his nervousness on the log bridge. I've long believed that it was due to Chelsea's cousins going after him. As I said, they had their dog Lexi with them. Beagles are hounds first and foremost (that's why we were even in this pickle) and I think after a little while he was able to find the trail and follow Lexi's familiar scent back to the trailhead.

We took him home and loved him all the more for this experience. He was never the same again. He became extra clingy in uncomfortable situations like the vet office. We had always gone camping before and he would lay on people's laps around the fire but after this he wanted nothing to do with fire. Around the campfire he would retreat as far into the shadows as his rope would let him and he could find no relaxation. We found that it was always best to put him into the tent after dark. He would burrow into the sleeping bag and rest contented until we came to bed.

I had considered this as one of the locations to leave his remains but ultimately I didn't choose it because I don't know what he experienced there. Why would I leave him in a place of fear where his time was passed alone? More than once we wondered what had happened to him there. Was there danger or just solitude? What were the nights like? You see why I couldn't choose this. The real question is why I even considered it.

It's still a place I like to go but we never went back there with Jake. Now would be a good time for us to do some hiking in the National Park since I won't have to feel guilty about getting some trail without him.